No Thanks New Zealand, You Can Keep Your Emergency Ration Marmite Tube

“What is this?” I had to ask when I saw the small Marmite tube on our counter. I now live in New Zealand, so of course I do know what Marmite is. Some call it an iconic New Zealand treat, others a nutritious and delicious spread, while the less creative folks just call it a yeast extract.

marmite tube

Not me, I hate Marmite! (So my question should have been, what is that Marmite tube doing on my counter?)

I was first introduced to this Kiwi icon about a week after we arrived in New Zealand. Another American expat took me to the grocery store to share with me her wisdom, acquired from living here for a while and being married to a Kiwi. She simplified my transition:

“Heinz is now Watties, ketchup is now tomato sauce, cookies are now biscuits, biscuits are now scones, white American table sugar is now caster sugar, and most importantly . . . This is Marmite:

Marmite

And every Kiwi kitchen has to have a jar.”

That was my transition period, and generally enjoyable.  We found several New Zealand originals that awoke our taste buds with pleasure like chocolate-caramel slice or pavlova.

Then there was the Marmite.  In an effort to adapt to our new culture and to share in some of its delicacy, we dove right in.  That very shopping day I made toast for the girls, spread thinly with our “soon to be new favorite food,” Marmite. As the spread looks quite a bit like a Nutella or chocolate spread, the girls and I enthusiastically took bites.

We won’t make that mistake again!  I am fairly sure one of our girls asked if I was trying to poison them, while the other wanted to know if I didn’t like them anymore.

To date there are only three things I have discovered which are worse than New Zealand’s Marmite.  They would be:

  1. The even saltier Bristish version of Marmite.
  2. The similar, although even more disgusting Australian copy called Vegemite,
  3. Any of the fried insects or random animal parts we saw on Wangfujing Street in Beijing, China.

Well, that Marmite tube is still there, sitting on the edge of our kitchen counter, taunting me.  I realize it looks huge in the image above , but really it’s quite tiny:

marmite tube

Lucky for me, I have an artist in the family, and one who also hates Brussels Spouts.  We finally have a perfect use for that Marmite tube:

Marmite Tube art

Image ©Melissa Albom 2013.  All rights reserved.

 When it comes to Marmite, or any thing like it, I guess I am aligned with former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who  said in 2010 (while in Australia): “I’ve never understood why you would ruin a perfectly good slice of bread with Vegemite.”

Now that I have admitted this, I hope I will be allowed to stay in New Zealand.

Have you tried Marmite? Or even worse, Vegemite?  Do you love it or hate it? Would you add the Marmite tube to your emergency kit?

Want more? Just for fun, here is a Kiwi food quiz.

This post has been submitted for Silly Sunday at Comedy Plus.  Be sure to stop by there for more laughs.

About Rhonda Albom

When I met my hubby he was looking for a traveling companion. Together we have moved to New Zealand and visited over 42 countries, most with our now teenage girls. Things rarely go as planned, and generally we have an amusing tale to tell. That's what Laugh Quotes is about - the fun side of our adventures and our expat life.

Comments

  1. I’m flabbergasted! While nobody in their right mind would willingly consume Marmite except, perhaps, for a great deal of money, how can you not love the bracing bouquet of warm toast lovingly spread with refreshing, restorative and, yes, rejuvenating Vegemite? I don’t understand you. Not at all

  2. “more disgusting Australian copy called Vegemite” … what the????? Those a re fair dinkim fighting words!!! But I suppose what can one expect from someone who comes from the land where they put peanut butter with jam/jelly … erk!

    I could NOT start the day without some vegemite spread on my toast. Seriously!

  3. So please explain to me what actually is in Marmite & vegemite? (I’ve always been curious & a cousin live in New Zealand)

  4. I have tasted the Kiwi Marmite only once, in error, it was so devastatingly putrid that I will never touch it again. I thought ( as a new UK expat downunder) it was British Marmite in a different wrapper. It’s not, it contains SUGAR!!! Ewwwwww!!! British Marmite is sold as ” Our Mate” in Oz.

  5. I guess that I won’t be brushing my teeth with that anytime soon! Cute drawing by Melissa!

  6. I quite like Marmite on toast only thinly spread though and not too often LOL

    I have never seen it in a tube before and if it’s saltier then I probably would give it a miss, although I like your keyboard :mrgreen:

    I think Melissa has the better use for it LOL

    i haven’t had Vegemite even though it’s available in the shops here.

    Have a marmiteless week ;-)

  7. That is a creative use for Marmite.
    I’ve tried Vegemite before. You’re right – disgusting!

  8. Hi Rhonda .. I LOVE IT!!!!! Not so keen on vegemite … but great creative painting though .. I LOVE Brussels sprouts too! Already had some this season. I’d love to have a tube of marmite .. but I do enjoy the jars we have … and have had since I was a kid – it’s a standard!!

    Enjoy something this weekend .. not making a mess … cheers – great post though .. Hilary

  9. I’ve not heard of this until today, but I’m telling you that after reading your review I’m never going to add this to anything. Sounds awful.

    Have a fabulous day. :)

  10. Now I have to try Marmite when I visit New Zealand.

    I hope I can comment here today. Depends on what mood WordPress is in.

  11. Never heard of it. I’ll stay away. Thanks for the warning.

    xoRobyn

  12. If it’s anything like vegemite, I promise I will never touch it.

  13. I never liked vegemite until I had morning sickness with my first child and vegemite on toast was about the only thing I could stomach to eat. Now I really like it.

    I’ve never painted with it but if you have a flavourless stew or bolognaise a tiny (TINY!) amount helps. I’ve actually considered travelling with it because the stuff is so salty and sticky it makes a great mouth ulcer cream!

  14. This was very interesting! Thanks for the warning.

  15. Count me in, I wouldn’t like either of them either. I do like peanut butter and jelly.
    ..

  16. Lisa Ross says:

    LOL
    I love marmite, don’t like vegemite but I don’t think it’s that healthy. Good for vitamin B but high in natural MSG, has additive caramel III and sugar.
    How Americans feel about marmite is probably the same as how kiwis feel about peanut butter and jelly :-) (Sean can’t tolerate marmite either)

  17. OMG!!! Ewwwww! I can’t eat things that come out of toothpaste tubes!!! But I’ve always been a picky eater. Cept for pie… I’ll eat the frak out of some pie.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  18. Christine Larsen says:

    Once upon a time our eldest son (9) told our daughter (6) that the creosote on our farm fence posts was Vegemite and to have a lick. And she did… and came in to me screaming (for anyone who doesn’t know, creosote burns the mouth SO badly – that’s why it’s on these posts, to keep all munchers at bay). Amazingly, she still loves Vegemite, 22 years later, and equally amazingly, our son is still alive. (Only because he was faster than me, even then!)

  19. Chocolover says:

    Well, I think a lovely ferrero rocher would get the nasty taste of that crap out of my mouth every day! And I have the perfect recipe too… You might appreciate this ;):
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky_KSi5vgp0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

    Yum yum yum <3

  20. Well, I’ve never had occasion to try Marmite (or any of its variations) but I’ll consider myself forewarned. (I do however love my peanut butter, with or without jelly.)

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